A Time to Speak

Well everyone. Here I am. If you hadn’t noticed, an entire year went by that I hadn’t written in my blog. What happened?! Only the good Lord knows. But, I am delighting in the encouragement I have coming from many directions to continue to write. I’m also reminded that there is a season for everything. My year of silence in my blog didn’ t necessarily signify anything in particular, or, perhaps through such reflection this will be proven otherwise! If nothing else, it shall be my newfound pursuit of attempting to put my thoughts, or His whisperings, into words. What a beautiful thing!

Hmm. Isn’t life complex? Though at times, rather simple.

To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones,
and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Where there is darkness, LIGHT

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying (to ourselves) that we are born to eternal life.”

//The Peace Prayer of St. Francis//

It is unknown who authored this prayer.  What is known is its mastery of words, its ability to draw emotion from those of us who can relate to its true description of human nature.

It’s disappointing when I feel like I’m letting someone down, letting myself down, and worse yet, letting God down. But relieving to know that God can instill hope when I feel hopeless, and can bring forth joy when I feel sad. And then there are people who seem so difficult to love! God didn’t expect us to work these things out on our own. How tiring! Thankfully He is strong when we are weak.

Where there is darkness, may there be light, as God has always promised. With his light leading the way, we can expel darkness of our world. How do we do it? Ask Him!

When You Look at the World

U2 – When I Look at the World

When you look at the world
What is it that you see
People find all kinds of things
That bring them to their knees

I see an expression
So clear and so true
That changes the atmosphere
When you walk to the room

So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you it’s no use
I can’t see what you see
When I look at the world

When the night is someone else’s
And you’re trying to get some sleep
When your thoughts are too expensive
To ever want to keep

When there’s all kinds of chaos
And everyone is walking lame
You don’t even blink now do you
Don’t even look away

So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you it’s no use
I can’t see what you see
When I look at the world

I can’t wait any longer
I can’t wait ’til I’m stronger
Can’t wait any longer
To see what you see
When I look at the world

I’m in the waiting room
I can’t see for the smoke
I think of you and your holy book
When the rest of us choke

Tell me, tell me
What do you see
Tell me, tell me
What’s wrong with me

 

 

 

 

Bono’s words will always stir something within me. How often do we get consumed by the lens with which we see the world, we don’t give another’s viewpoint a moment’s notice?

 

The stresses we undergo, the uncertainties we face, and the stories that define who we’ve become, all help to create our framework of relating to society.

 

“Without you it’s no use…tell me, what do you see?” We’re made for relationship, to bounce ideas off each other, to assist our neighbors in their pursuit of generating their own world view.

 

When you look at the world, what is it that you see?

Express yo’ self!

 

 

Emotions. Aren’t they lovely?

 

I look back on an odd interaction I had with a woman who seemed to have no inhibitions. She was throwing a temper tantrum because she did not get the right type of jelly for her toast. As I was watching her carry on, I had two thoughts. One, her behavior is unacceptable, and two, I commend her for allowing herself to express herself entirely. Of course my judgment of her is simply that, a judgment. It has no value, nor does it alter her value or worth. But I would bet that if this woman had an issue with God, she would tell Him about it. She would not be embarrassed for having such feelings.

 

I am convinced that this is exactly what God wants us to do. He wants us to come before Him in utter honesty and humility. He is the one Individual who fully understands our predicament. He knows the number of hairs on our heads! He already knows what we are going through. Rather than try to be polite to God, but dishonest in the process, causing disengagement, He’d rather we keep communicating to Him.

 

Certainly we’ve all experienced emotions for which some have labeled “bad.” Bottom line, none of us is expected to be perfect. The “bad” emotions will subside, as long as we allow ourselves to feel them and be honest about them. For those who are uncomfortable with unpleasant feelings, express them with the One who wants to hear everything you’re going through. He’ll guide you through.

Beyond the Mind’s Eye

If anyone could be blamed for becoming overly consumed, at times almost paralyzed by her own thoughts, I could. Hands down, I am the queen of thinking, analyzing, and reflecting. Hence the title of my blog. Not that I am criticizing human nature, I’m just reminding myself and those like me, that an exciting world of possibilities is one thought or action away. There is beauty and freedom beyond the traps that our good-intentioned minds may find us in.

 

My brother and I will be visiting Zambia in January. In less than four months, I will be setting my eyes on my adopted Zambian family and running to them, preparing for huge loving embraces. I cannot wait. I’ve begun to lie awake at night envisioning that moment. I’m sure my little sisters and I will not be able to stop tickling each others’ backs and playing with each others’ hair, like we used to do daily. All of the stressful situations I’ll have in these next few months will be completely forgotten when we will be united again.

 

Today, instead of reading more about our nation’s crises, I decided to read about Zambia. One major challenge in Zambia is that there is no adult literacy policy. Thousands of elderly men and women who wish to pursue an education are hindered due to lack of facilities to promote adult literacy. To help combat this problem, a retired teaching couple in their 70s has started a literacy school in a rural part of the country. Teaching these adults how to read will enhance their quality of life; empowering them with such achievements. Outstanding!

 

It’s stories like these that ignite the fire within me; propelling me to higher ground. After reading the story, I decided that I could potentially meet this couple, live with them in their village, eat their nshima, and be one of their literacy teachers! Amen, my love for Africa is just the same.

 

Who knows what God has in store for me. But I thank him for moments like these when I can step outside of myself and my issues, and be reminded of what lies beyond my own created realm of existence. The world is truly at our fingertips!

Only God Knows

Max Lucado (In the Eye of the Storm)
The Old Man and the White Horse

Max tells this old story from thousands of years ago in this book. The premise is to caution us from making judgments, as they consist of no real truth.

 

 

Once there was an old man who lived in a tiny village.  Although poor, he was envied by all, for he owned a beautiful white horse.  Even the king coveted his treasure.  A horse like this had never been seen before – such was its splendor, its majesty, its strength.

People offered fabulous prices for the steed, but the old man always refused.  “This horse is not a horse to me,” he would tell them.  “It is a person.  How could you sell a person?  He is a friend, not a possession.  How could you sell a friend.”  The man was poor and the temptation was great.  But he never sold the horse.

One morning he found that the horse was not in his stable.  All the village came to see him.  “You old fool,” they scoffed, “we told you that someone would steal your horse.  We warned you that you would be robbed.  You are so poor.  How could you ever protect such a valuable animal?  It would have been better to have sold him.  You could have gotten whatever price you wanted.  No amount would have been to high.  Now the horse is gone and you’ve been cursed with misfortune.”

The old man responded,  “Don’t speak too quickly.  Say only that the horse is not in the stable.  That is all we know; the rest is judgment.  If I’ve been cursed or not, how can you know? How can you judge?”

The people contested, “Don’t make us out to be fools! We may not be philosophers, but great philosophy is not needed.  The simple fact that your horse is gone is a curse.”

The old man spoke again.  “All I know is that the stable is empty, and the horse is gone.  The rest I don’t know.  Whether it be a curse or a blessing, I can’t say.  All we can see is a fragment.  Who can say what will come next?”

The people of the village laughed.  They thought that the man was crazy.  They had always thought he was a fool; if he wasn’t, he would have sold the horse and lived off the money.  But instead, he was a poor woodcutter, and old man still cutting firewood and dragging it out of the forest and selling it.  He lived hand to mouth in the misery of poverty.  Now he had proven that he was, indeed, a fool.

After fifteen days, the horse returned.  He hadn’t been stolen; he had run away into the forest.  Not only had he returned, he had brought a dozen wild horses with him.  Once again, the village people gathered around the woodcutter and spoke.  “Old man, you were right and we were wrong.  What we thought was a curse was a blessing.  Please forgive us.”

The man responded, “Once again, you go too far.  Say only that the horse is back.  State only that a dozen horses returned with him, but don’t judge.  How do you know if this is a blessing or not?  You see only a fragment.  Unless you know the whole story, how can you judge?  You read only one page of a book.  Can you judge the whole book? You read only one word of one phrase.  Can you understand the entire phrase?”

“Life is so vast, yet you judge all of life with one page or one word.  All you have is one fragment!  Don’t say that this is a blessing.  No one knows.  I am content with what I know.  I am not perturbed by what I don’t.”

“Maybe the old man is right,” they said to one another.  So they said little.  But down deep, they knew he was wrong.  They knew it was a blessing.  Twelve wild horses had returned.  With a little work, the animals could be broken and trained and sold for much money.

The old man had a son, an only son.  The young man began to break the wild horses.  After a few days, he fell from one of the horses and broke both legs.  Once again the villagers gathered around the old man and cast their judgments.

“You were right,” they said.  “You proved you were right.  The dozen horses were not a blessing.  They were a curse.  Your only son has broken both his legs, and now in your old age you have no one to help you.  Now you are poorer than ever.”

The old man spoke again.  “You people are obsessed with judging.  Don’t go so far.  Say only that my son broke his legs.  Who knows if it is a blessing or a curse?  No one knows.  We only have a fragment.  Life comes in fragments.”

It so happened that a few weeks later the country engaged in war against a neighboring country.  All the young men of the village were required to join the army.  Only the son of the old man was excluded, because he was injured.  Once again the people gathered around the old man, crying and screaming because their sons had been taken.  There was little chance that they would return.  The enemy was strong, and the war would be a losing struggle.  They would never see their sons again.

“You were right, old man,” They wept.  “God knows you were right.  This proves it.  Your son’s accident was a blessing.  His legs may be broken, but at least he is with you.  Our sons are gone forever.”

The old man spoke again.  “It is impossible to talk with you.  You always draw conclusions.  No one knows.  Say only this.  Your sons had to go to war, and mine did not.  No one knows if it is a blessing or a curse.  No one is wise enough to know.  Only God knows.”

 

 

 

 

 

He Picks Us Up Again

Today while standing in the parking lot, my friend and I saw something that got me to thinking about Fatherly love…

 

We heard some commotion and turned to see a little girl speeding down the downhill on her tricycle. She was probably only three years old and had no ability to stop herself from going faster and faster. The hill was too steep! Her dad came running from behind in an effort to catch her before the unavoidable crash. He didn’t make it in time; her steering became shaky until she finally crashed and burned on the asphalt. Ouch! Within two seconds her dad was there to scoop her up in his arms and hold her tightly. Her tears came falling seconds after the initial shock, but as we watched the family walk home, we could sense the child’s security and comfort in her daddy’s loving arms.

 

What a wonderful analogy of God’s love and protection for his children. While He won’t keep us from falling, He is always right there to pick us back up and lead us to solid ground.

God Shouts in our Pains

 

When I was in grade school I put my teachers on a pedestal. I believed that all of them were perfect. None of them did anything wrong in their professional or personal lives. My first grade teacher was a single young lady, and I just knew she had never drunk a beer. My third grade teacher was a mom, and I just knew she never got mad at her son. My sixth grade teacher was a grandpa, and surely he never said a curse word.

 

As I became more exposed to the realities of life, I started to realize that not even my sweet teachers were perfect. At some point it came clear to me that all of us, my teachers included, were in the same boat. We were all living in a world where mistreatment, abandonment, and abuse abound. Fortunately, I grew up in a home where people could be trusted. For many, this is not the case. As we know, many grow up in homes where the idea of trust is not a part of the family’s equation. The statistics are alarming as to the amount of child abuse that occurs in our world. Too many of these children begin to display a poor self-image, have an inability to trust or love others, harbor intense anger or rage, expressed later in life in more destructive ways, and become abusive parents themselves.

 

And the question lingers in our minds: Why?

 

All of us have experienced unfair abandonment in some form or another. It’s a sickening feeling to think that a person who was once trusted, one with whom there had been a mutual agreement, could have the ability to betray. I believe that when our response to such mistreatment is vengeance, or a resolve that no one is trustworthy from here on, is the wrong response. Perhaps the trust that had once existed was improperly locked in horizontally rather than vertically. Not to excuse such betrayal brought on by others, but to propose a better way: God never intended that his children be mistreated. What he did intend was that we put our trust and hope in Him alone. He wants us to look upward and put our entire faith in Him, rather than outward and expect perfection from others. Most definitely we will be let down. It’s not like we’ve got it all together ourselves either. As long as this world goes ‘round, we will be hurt by others, and we will hurt others. Hurting people hurt people. It’s just the way it is.

 

The other day at work I spent quite a while talking to a new patient of mine. She shared with me the trauma she had been going through in the last year. I was appalled by what I was hearing. I just couldn’t believe that she was still alive and breathing strong. I thought for sure that she held resentment for what had happened to her. Instead, she told me that everything is going to be okay, that God is in control and He won’t let her down, that He never let go of His grip on her. She shared with me what her mother had taught her and her siblings growing up, that no matter how mean someone is, it was their responsibility to take care of them. These children grew up knowing that no one is perfect, but no matter who is in need, you help. This woman had little in the way of material possessions, but had much in the way of faith in God, and grace towards those around her. I then went down the hall to talk to another patient. His countenance was markedly different. He had only complaints about the nursing staff, the food, and everything else. For sure he had grown up thinking he deserved anything he wanted, and if he didn’t get it he could demand it. He lived his life believing that people could never get anything right for him. The first patient made me feel at peace, and the second took that peace away. I had a choice: I could either make an effort to live my life more like the first person, or walk away dwelling on what the second person had to say. Which story was I going to share that night when someone asked about my day? Would my focus be upward, trusting that God wanted me to learn something that day? Or would my focus be outward, concluding that people are rude and obnoxious and that will never change?

 

I love what C.S Lewis writes: “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains.” Let’s not miss out on what God wants to shout at us when we’ve been hurt or feel abandoned. In these most desperate moments, God’s love can be most profound; we simply must have a sensitive spirit to receive it. Not a spirit preoccupied with revenge, bitterness, or hostility. We simply must ask, “God, help me. Deliver me from this prison I’ve found myself in. Help me see You beyond this utter darkness.”

 

If anyone knows what’s best for us, it’s Him. He will be the One to light our path towards complete wholeness. He will be our counselor, directing us towards healing. He certainly does not want us to be a doormat, allowing such pain and abuse to continue. He will lead us to those people whom we can trust, and with whom together faith in Him can be the center. He will help us establish lasting and personal stable relationships. And He will be the one to give us the strength to forgive. We may have felt abandoned by another, but God has not and will not ever abandon us.

The Battle is the LORD’s

I think the story of David and Goliath is a fun one for children to know. At a young age, it’s pretty cool to think that a little man actually killed a scary giant with his sling shot. Speaking of sling shots, my brothers had them growing up, and because I had nothing better to do than imitate their behaviors, I also got a thrill out of aiming at innocent little birds and squirrels. My brothers always got close, even hit some head on. I, however, had a hard time getting the rock to transfer from the little rubber band thing to the air. Tragically one day, my brother killed a bird with his sling shot. After that sad moment, it was no longer fun and games for me. But that’s beside the point.

 

David’s story is an incredible testimony to what happens when we rely completely on God’s strength to get us through any particular situation. Many times I’ve said to myself and to God, “I just can’t do this.” In reality, this is exactly where God wants us. We aren’t supposed to be going to battle single handedly. The minute we try to be strong and courageous and try to fight on our own, we fail. There is a reason God made it this way. It was never about us. It is about God.

 

David had everything going against him in comparison to Goliath. David was small, Goliath was big. David had no military training, Goliath had been in wars since youth. David was a meek shepherd boy, Goliath was a mighty Philistine warrior. David’s resume was a sad blank piece of paper, and everyone knew it. But what does the Bible say David had that overpowered all these meaningless things? He had faith.

 

With such gumption and courage, and without hesitation, David volunteered himself to fight this infamous warrior. David didn’t listen to concerns from the audience that he was just a kid; he rather referred back to times when God delivered him from paws of lions and bears. He trusted that because God had delivered him once before, he would most assuredly deliver him again. David moved forward with confidence despite discouraging insults and fearful threats.

 

King Saul dressed David with his own tunic, a coat of armor, a fancy bronze helmet, and a sword. David walked around, decided the whole attire was uncomfortable, and took it all off. Who needed a king’s armor when he had the armor of the one and only King of kings? David simply gathered a few small stones and pursued on ahead directly towards Goliath. You know the rest of the story. Goliath was killed and the battle was won. David doesn’t take credit, but rather uses it as a testimony of God’s strength.  “All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s.”

 

What seemingly impossible situation are you facing today?  What has happened in your life that has caused you to feel powerless? Today, you can claim victory and power over whatever the circumstance may be. Take hold of the other times in your life when God has delivered you. He will do it again, but asks that we surrender our own pursuits. Sometimes I think I need to do things on my own. I think that I am equipped with the armor that I need, in one form or another. The truth is: I have nothing to show for myself. When I lay down my arms, so to speak, and let God do his work, I am victorious. God used what David was comfortable with: his sling shot and some stones. In the same way, he will use the familiar gifts and talents we’ve been given to work miracles through us.

 

Remember, the battle is not ours. The battle is the LORD’s.